If ya can't beat'em OR join'em...take their advice

Alright ladies and gentlemen (but mostly guys) - here's your chance to get an inside look at what women REALLY want. Written by a real LIVE female, a guide out there for those of you who are wondering why you still need to cuddle with stuffed animals at the age of 18+. Special thanks to our very own Jaime Morocco for putting this together!

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Guy Dating 101: What us girls already WANT (&EXPECT) you to know…but will never tell you.

God knows that as a single female living in Boston, I’ve had my slew of awful dates. Examples: guy who told me he felt like a ‘girl’ with me because I was a better city driver than him, guy who peed in my trashcan because he got too drunk @ a club that I will not mention (used to be really good), guy who ordered a lychee martini when I ordered a grey goose on the rocks (nothing against martini’s but—you gotta keep up with the girl you’re with!), guy who split a $20 bottle of wine with me when HE ordered it and who can forget the guy who told me he had a ‘boob reduction’ when he was 9. All true—I kid you not… some of it is so crazy I couldn’t make this $*&@ up.
Instead of looking back at these incidences with regret or in some cases disgust… I realize that they make for great stories, not to mention I have learned so much. After spending my college days with 4 guys as my best friends I have come to learn a lot about the male culture and how guys get girls etc. When it comes to relationships, I have come to the realization that it would be MUCH easier for you all if I just let you in on a few things that girls want you to know—but will never say--- because we want you to just KNOW without having to tell you (so fair right?) ☺.

1.) Just tell us we are really pretty.
No, not ‘sexy’, ‘hot’ or that you want to get in our pants. Of course these are all nice things to hear but it makes us feel like a piece of ass. When you first meet us, a simple “I think you are stunning” is much more meaningful and sincere.

2.) You are responsible to pay for not only the first date but the first few. Whenever I go on a first date with someone I always do a ‘test’. I leave my credit card on the table when the bill comes and excuse myself. If he takes it—it shows he doesn’t want to make a good impression. Note that this has NOTHING to do with money. I always let a guy pick the place we go, what we do etc (also very important) and I feel that it is important for a guy to pay in order to show that he wants to make a good impression. Again, this has NOTHING to do with money. I can fully take care of myself and have no problem doing so…but cheapness is a MAJOR turn off… if not the biggest. There is a huge difference in having no money and being cheap. When you are cheap you will split the cost of a dinner with a girl (on your first few dates), when you have no money you will take her to a place you know you can afford and pay for it.

3.) Speaking of the first few dates, girls like guys who take initiative. To us, it’s hot when a guy knows what he wants and has good ideas about what to do. Phrases like “I don’t care—I’ll do whatever”, or “your choice” are so not hot! Take charge—you are a GUY!!

4.) Do not initiate trying to sleep with us until we do. Trust me, we will let you know. And if you try too much too soon we will just think you are a male slut and just want to get in our pants.

5.) Self confidence is the hottest thing in the world. Putting yourself down or ‘fishing for compliments’ makes us think you need constant reassurance. Always avoid the phrase, “you are so much hotter than me”, because then we will just think you are some lonely, self-hating, self-conscious puppy. A guy can be not so cute but if he has self confidence that makes him instantly 10,000 times sexier.

6.) Just be real. I’m all about a little game playing here and there—it’s what keeps you guessing and makes things interesting. Mystery= sexy. But if you don’t like the girl—peace out! Don’t leave her hanging, man up and say buh-bye!

7.) Have fun of course. & Don’t settle for anything less. So cliché but so true. If you don’t feel it—don’t force it. On to the next!!
(And I say this is strictly for relationships because if you just want to get a girl in your pants—go read The Game—it’s good stuff). ☺

Thanks for reading ☺

antiquated institution of monogamy

For those of you who need to do a little grammatical catch-up before we proceed, go to dictionary.com and look up monogamy before you read this.


For the rest of you - I think it's safe to say that we all are familiar with the fact that there's an astronomically high divorce rate, constant news stories about which celebrity had an affair with 4,490,986 people this week, couples breaking up, getting back together, fighting, breaking up again, etc...

Yet...our grandparents and some of our parents have been married to the same people for 400 years...what changed?!?!

Is it lack of quality choices in our generations? (referring to 20's & 30's...and some 40's...) That's what most people chalk it up to. "They don't make'em like they used to", and there is probably some truth to this. But let's examine the ROOTS of this whole monogamous mindset, shall we?

Of course records of marriages go back to the ancient Egyptian days (with the Pharaohs) thousands of years before any of us would've known someone who was alive then to tell us about it. But let's stick with the past few generations so we can get a more realistic outlook on the whole thing, shall we?

Let's talk about the 1930's, 40's, and even 50's. It's no secret that society as a whole was like a different world - the man "brought home the bacon", and the woman stayed home and cleaned the picket fence, the Chevy, the dog and the 2.54 kids. The American dream. Nobody got divorced, it wasn't even an OPTION. BUT - this brings up some interesting ideas. Women, even if they wanted to in these years, couldn't even get jobs (or at least high enough paying ones to support a family and a house)...once again no surprise there thanks to history class. So, it was pretty much NECESSARY for them to get married. Men were out working all the time, so they could not run a household or raise children in their spare time, and probably wouldn't anyway because it was a "woman's job", so the codependent monogamy was born. Get married, the husband will work, the wife will clean, and you grow old together. That's all the world ever knew.

What happened? Empowerment, equal opportunity, big salaries...before I get into this PLEASE nobody read this all the wrong way and thinking that I'm being demeaning to women or saying things should go back to the way things were, I'm simply stating facts of how things have progressed and the results of it.

What else went up with salaries? Living expenses! So now we've got two forces at work with each other, women who can get high paying jobs, and husbands who can't support a family on their own salary (I'm obviously talking average income, generalizing) - so, the women need to go out and get jobs, and babysitters, etc. Now what happens? Well, instead of the husband having control of the assets and making all the money, EVERYONE can work & make their own money and buy their own stuff...ALSO, the wives are out of the house more working, so the husbands take on their share of raising the kids, etc etc...

Are we seeing where this is all going over the course of a few decades? What's DECREASING? Dependency and reliance on one's significant others...women can buy their own BMW's, and husbands can take care of more domestic issues...so other than "love", couples are being held together by less and less strings.

"Back in the day", women searched far and long to find a man with a good job, a good future, strong family values, etc. Now, those same women are self-driven, accomplished, and don't need someone else to fulfill certain areas of their lives that the women of past generations needed. And what's happening now? The divorce rate is closing in on 70% (doesn't count everyone who's cheating), and couples are falling apart.

So, this brings us to a retroactive look at this whole thing...are the generations & quality of mate choices getting worse and worse...OR is the REALISM of monogamy being questioned because the factor of INDEPENDENCE was never in the equation when this institution was born?

Am I saying never get married? No, of course not (well, maybe in some cases...), but IF it's a choice that someone makes to commit to ONE person for the rest of their lives, it has to be for all the right reasons. This might seem like a simple thing to say, but if everyone followed that little rule, the divorce rate wouldn't be where it's at, now would it? Hair and teeth fall out, money can get lost in investments, cars get old...all of the things that attract us to each other in today's society are fleeting and temporary. These are good for fleeting and temporary relationships, but something of this nature as a FOUNDATION is like trying to float a house on water...there's no steady ground to keep it together when the waves start to hit. We must go back to CONNECTING with people on a REAL level, this is not just for relationships, it's for the good of future generations and the WORLD. Future generations need to be strong, solid, smart & educated. The basis and values that many things are based on these days are risky when it comes to securing the upcoming leaders of this, and all countries.

We need to take a step back, don't let EMOTION or LOGIC make our decisions for us, but emotion AND logic together. This is the only way to have clarity enough of heart and mind to move forward the way we are meant to, rather than overloading one of the two, making them function less efficiently.

Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

_JMS.

Fast food, slow people

My entertainment for the day came this morning when I saw a woman walking two dogs, being circled "float like a butterfly" Muhammad Ali style (ironically enough, the breed of dog was a Boxer) by a neighbor's little psycho pup. The two other dogs were on leashes and the poor woman walking them was trying to get away, but the boxer was bouncing around like a sugar loaded 3 year old on a trampoline, and his owner was hobbling up the street behind him like she was chasing down an ice cream truck. Newsflash hunny, that boxer will still be jumping around when you're passed out face first on the sidewalk.

This got me to thinking, there are people out there who are in such terrible shape that they can't even do something as simple as to control their own pets or follow after them if they start running away...and we all know from the obesity rates that this is MORE common than not.

Back in the days of the Titanic, it was honorable to be heavier, it meant you had more food, which meant you had more money, blah blah. Now, it's typically the less productive people who are panting and sweating all over themselves when the elevator breaks. There are endless reasons to stay in shape, or at least maintain a healthy level of being.

First of all, umm...HEALTH? Call me crazy, but there MUST be a point where you realize you can't walk up a flight of stairs without sounding like a car that won't start when (if) you reach the top. Not to mention if you're thinner your clothes fit better, so you LOOK better, which means you FEEL better, which means you have more confidence, which means you perform better - in all areas of life.

Nothing is sharper than a lean dude in a well-tailored suit or a really in-shape girl in her pencil skirt and heels heading to the office...and these are of course the people who hit the gym before or after work, and also the same people who (studies show) are happier and more productive in general. Hmm, I wonder why?

SUCCESS LEAVES CLUES, I love how people sulk over not being like this person, or that person, or not making enough money, being in better shape, etc...yet, there is every single resource out there available to make it happen. Gym memberships are cheap, hell, even workout at home. EAT LESS, do whatever it takes, and chances are if you do everything that the productive, happy people do...you'll be productive and happy too!

Relationships...ohhhh boy...

Let's face it, a sad but true fact in this world is that every relationship, unless resulting in marriage...will end. That's a difficult fact for most people to grasp, but we've all been there. Breakups happen every day, some people get back together, some don't. Sometimes it's a mutual feeling, sometimes it's not. Sometimes we're the ones who want it to end, sometimes we're not. And sometimes, neither person wants it to, it's just by virtue of circumstances or the situation at hand.

It is possible for 2 perfect people to find each other, and yet not be perfect FOR each other. Every individual has a different path, different goals, different views on situations, and those are not always compatible with a specific person as you may have been hoping for. I never understood this concept until recently. If someone is so great, why not give up everything to be with them? Sometimes it's not that cut and dry...and sometimes it's just as difficult to understand ourselves as it is for the other person to understand us.

This is difficult, because the natural defense for this kind of mindset would be "well, if it's gonna end, then why bother starting in the first place?" My answer is this: each person we come across in the course of our lives, will leave a mark on us...if we allow it. They will help us grow, teach us new things, show us different views on the world, etc. These situations are valuable to personal growth. Sometimes two people grow together, and sometimes apart, but it's important to remember that both people are in fact, growing.

I also believe a relationship is priority for many people. They are not comfortable being single and want to feel the comfort of having someone there. My thoughts are, in order to be effective in a relationship for both your sake and the other person's, you must be comfortable enough and established enough in your life to give ample attention to said relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean being a college grad with your career in place, I mean more along the lines of not being so scatterbrained trying to figure out who you are and what you want, that it takes attention away from the other person. Attention that they deserve. If both people are not ready for this commitment, the relationship will likely not unfold as one or both had hoped for. This is not the fault of either person, simply a case of unfortunate circumstances, which must be understood by all parties involved.

My hope for everyone...is that at one point or another, we are each put in a position where we are on both the giving and receiving end of a breakup. This is not for the purpose of wishing hurt and heartbreak on anyone, it is for the purpose of gaining an understanding for the fact that NEITHER end is ever easy, and there is a unique difficulty to each. The hope is that while one person may not understand exactly how the other is feeling, the empathy will still be there to be able to relate, and know that neither party is necessarily happy with the outcome, everyone has their reasons.

Speaking of reasons, everything happens for a reason...sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together. And sometimes, it's simply the timing that isn't right. Everything always works out in the end...and if it's not working out, it's not the end! So keep your hopes alive, keep moving forward, and NEVER let a past situation govern your outlook on the future, because everything and everyone is different. If two people are meant to be, they will be. Maybe not today, maybe not next week, but whenever the universe intends for it to happen.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

INERTIA

in·er·tia definition Pronunciation: /in-ˈər-shə, -shē-ə/ Function: n 1 a : a property of matter by which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same straight line unless acted upon by some external force

We all know the basic definition of intertia from high school science class - something will keep doing exactly what it's doing unless a stronger outside force acts upon it to change its direction. Here's the catch though - it's the same for people's lives as well.

We see it every day (or even experience it), people going back and forth to (for example) work every day, an hour in traffic in the morning, 8 hours in the office, hour drive back, and what is there to do after that? sit in front of the tv and BAKE your brain because you're so exhausted from your day...just to get up and do it again in the morning. People are losing their sense of accomplishment, purpose, and most of all PROGRESS. This is INERTIA acting on us as individuals, we simply continue on the same path unless something CHANGES.

I'm not saying to all of a sudden quit your job and go on some aimless adventure, but small, measurable steps in a different direction are always a good start. And of course not everyone is a victim of these circumstances, but many are. Something as simple as a little hobby or a side business may be able to get you out of the trenches and into the action again. Without a defined sense of purpose or clear goal, what is there to look forward to? We are like a ship at sea without a destination, just going in circles not really sure why.

This is a recurring trend in my posts and that is for a reason, clear defined goals are the basis for any forward motion, otherwise you don't know which direction you're going in. But the desire to change course must come from within & be strong enough to overcome the inertia that is present all too often in our lives. We only go around once in this world (unless you believe in reincarnation), so make it count!

Technology & Personal Branding

For those of you out there who own a business or are just looking to creating a name for yourself, you probably know by now there are very few more effective ways to do it these days than via the INTERNET. The web is no doubt a presence that has changed the way people communicate and do business forever. But what does this mean for YOU?

It could mean A LOT - if you use it properly. There are millions of dollars being made every single month over the internet. These people are not necessarily any more intelligent, educated, motivated, etc. than YOU are, they are just more resourceful and have a stronger personal brand.

One great way to brand yourself is via social networking websites such as Facebook or Twitter. When you've got a strong image, people will know what to expect when they visit your page, get a certain "vibe" from it, and you will better be able to attract the proper friends or customers towards you or your business. The right pictures, quotes, status updates, links, etc., can make a world of difference in driving traffic to YOU.

This is very important and there are multiple facets to it. Firstly, what are you trying to portray to the world? I'm not talking about who you are, where you came from, what your education is, how much money you have...I'm talking about what do you WANT people to see you as? The internet can literally make or break you. People have been made famous overnight thanks to YouTube - memorable, unique people with strong personal brands. If you want to attract potential business partners, don't have a profile picture taken with a disposable camera of you chugging a beer...duh. Grab a digital camera (or borrow from a friend...if you can't do that, borrow some new friends...), and put a nice collared shirt on or a suit, and get some creative pics on your profile. Your facebook page is your first impression to the world, you WILL be judged and perceived according to what you put on it. Sorry to be blunt, but it's just the way it is. And STOP with the negative statuses! If you are looking to attract positive, successful people to your life, they don't want to be bothered by people who are constantly complaining about menial things that happen in their life...everyone has problems, never let'em see you sweat.

Positive, inspiring quotes, being entertaining (hell, copy/paste from your favorite comedian if you're not funny) will keep people coming back to your page to see what you've got to say next. If you're negative and complain, well...they won't.

Another awesome way to brand yourself is via a small (or big) personal web page that defines YOU. This can be had for cheap, if not FREE. My personal favorite site to use is HostGator.com (where I host LimitlessLifestyle.com, you can register for hosting here: http://secure.hostgator.com/~affiliat/cgi-bin/affiliates/clickthru.cgi?id=Hollywood1985) Hosting your page costs nearly nothing (hosting starts at $4.95 per month to keep it live online), they are professional & efficient, and it gives you a BIG web presence with SMALL effort and cost. Remember, you can be anyone you want on the internet, and your personal brand is going to be the end result of what you put out there on the web. The choice is yours.

ONE WORD to change your life

You wanna know ONE SINGLE word that can change your entire life? I'm talking about a single, solitary, lonely little 4 letter word that can be added to your daily vocabulary that can result in one massive shift in your reality and accomplishments. Sound like a word you want to know? Read on my friends...

We all go through our lives living a bunch of "shoulds". I should workout...I should eat better...I should do something to make more money...I should leave my crappy boyfriend/girlfriend - then what? we DON'T. "shoulds" are one of the biggest anchors to our personal progress in this world.

What can we do to change this negativity? It will only come from INSIDE of each and every one of us, in the form of raising our standards and demands for ourselves. There's one simple shift that needs to be made. Turn every SHOULD into a MUST. What if you DID workout more? DID eat better, DID make more money, DID get out of a bad relationship, how much of a POSITIVE IMPACT would this have on your life? Why do we live our lives according to what we SHOULD do and then DON'T, instead of what we MUST do and therefore WILL?!

The lack of satisfaction in each of our lives comes from within. We are not willing or driven enough to perform each and every should as a MUST, which is what it's going to take to really change our lives and our world for the better. Nobody can tell you what a MUST is for YOU except yourself. Be honest and define these things within your heart, and then...only then...will you begin to change & achieve more fulfillment in your life.